You: From Another Perspective
Leading presenter, author and educator in the areas of high-performance, self-management, personal transformation and more Read full profile
What They Really Call back of You lot
Do you ever wonder how y'all're perceived by others? What kind of person they call back you are? How they see y'all as a dominate, employee, neighbour, friend, son, daughter, parent, leader, sporting team fellow member, teacher, business organisation partner, trainer or perhaps even potential life partner? Do you think about the blazon of impression you've fabricated on people over time (be that a brief or long fourth dimension)? If they had to describe you lot to someone else, what might they say? Do they see you as selfish? Generous? Nasty? Kind? Big-headed? Humble? Sincere? Shallow? Funny? Intense? Generous? Greedy? Inspiring? Boring? Intimidating? Warm? Potent? Weak? Genuine? False? Talented? Artistic?
Practice you lot e'er wonder if the way 'y'all see you' (so to speak) is how others run across you? Does it really matter? The reply to that question is yes and no. Sometimes it matters and sometimes it doesn't. Whether information technology matters could depend on a couple of things:
i. The situation. If you're non sure what the guy who delivers your morning paper thinks of y'all, it probably doesn't matter also much. Unless, of form, that guy is your brother.
2. The potential consequences of not knowing. If (for example) y'all're a bus and your athletes are not motivated, empowered or inspired by your coaching or communication style (and you happen to be unaware of the fact); that's a problem. If yous think your charges like and respect you just they don't, well, information technology matters. Information technology's in your involvement to know how your team really sees things (yous) – non for your ego – simply in lodge for you to be able to practise your task finer.
Your Reality and Their Reality
If you're trying to create a sure outcome at work (for instance) and, in your mind (that is, your self-created reality), you run across yourself every bit existence a strong, powerful leader while those in your accuse run across you as being a cocky-of import, power-tripping, egomaniac then, yeah, it matters. Y'all have a perception problem, an awareness trouble and a communication consequence. That is, your staff are not 'getting' what yous believe yous're giving them. All also often, bosses run across themselves as being strong, focused and believing while (a percentage of) the people around them see them equally intimidating, insensitive and unaware.
Learning the Hard Fashion
In that location have been numerous times over the last twenty-five years when what I believed I was 'giving' a person or group (motivation, direction, feedback), wasn't what they felt they were 'getting' (intimidation, criticism). I've learned the hard fashion that even good intentions can create bad outcomes when I'1000 not in tune with my audience (team, group, customer, etc.). I need to come across the procedure (challenge, situation, problem) through their eyes and, more than importantly, I demand to see me through their eyes. Sounds weird I know, but trust me on information technology.
In any meaningful relationship – be that personal or professional – information technology is important that we accept a level of insight into, and, understanding of, how people perceive us. Not so that nosotros might stress, worry and become (more) insecure near what people think (nosotros already exercise that too much) but, rather, so that we might develop more than empowered, meaningful, productive and enjoyable relationships. Greater connection. Better understanding. More effective advice.
We can only brand real progress with people when nosotros brainstorm to sympathize their (version of) reality. We don't need to comprehend information technology or concord with it, but understand it. And them.
Tuning In Our Awareness
So, should nosotros get all weird, anxious and paranoid about what people recollect of u.s.? Of grade non; that's a negative, not a positive. And totally not what this lesson is most. But, what nosotros should practise is try to become more aware and 'in tune' when it comes to the issue of how we're perceived past the people in our world. The greater our awareness (of how others see u.s.), the more effective we become (on a range of levels), the more than connection we create (which means better understanding) and the less relationship and communication bug nosotros'll experience.
Feedback for Me
Every bit a speaker, writer and some-time radio presenter, information technology'southward part of my 'chore' to take people tell me what they think of me. How they run across me. What they think of my ideas, messages and 'performances'. Sometimes that feedback comes via a phone call (or an SMS) from an abusive (or happy) radio listener – who feels compelled to tell me I'g an ignorant dickhead (or a genius). Sometimes it arrives in the grade of a comment or e-mail from a visitor to this site. Readers are constantly giving feedback on what I write (the discipline affair), how I write (my writing fashion) and what they think of me (as a person). Some of the feedback makes me feel not bad, some… not so much. But all of it gives me insight into – and understanding of – how people perceive me.
As a professional person speaker, I usually receive a written 'report' from the organisation I have spoken for. This feedback is honest, direct, objective, bearding (usually) and sometimes brutal. Sometimes glowing. What this kind of impartial, calculated feedback gives me is a clear picture of how I am perceived and received past my audiences – crucial (if not always comfortable) data for a speaker.
Taking Discomfort to a New Level
A few years ago, I took part in an event chosen a Speakers Showcase. One of the agencies I speak for (I am represented past a few) decided to agree the showcase at a local Casino. As I was new (on their books) they decided that I would be ane of the eight speakers wheeled out to deliver a twenty minute 'sample' presentation for the would-be 'buyers' (for want of a better term) from diverse companies and organisations effectually Melbourne, Commonwealth of australia. The audience consisted of four hundred (or so) people whose sole job it was to evaluate me as a potential speaker for their conferences and professional development programs. They weren't there to exist educated, inspired or motivated by me. No, they were there to judge my performance.
Just Wait, There's More…
I walked into the auditorium to practise my affair and just when I thought I couldn't be whatsoever less comfortable, I spied – what appeared to be – a table total of large(ish) remote controls. The 'remote controls' were handed to audience members and they turned out to exist part of an electronic scoring system that allowed the 'buyers' to score me (across a range of criteria) as I spoke on stage. Permit me tell yous that it's mildly(!) terrifying, distracting and disconcerting to spotter people punching a 'score' into an electronic gizmo while you lot're speaking to them.
"You wanna know what people think of you lot Craig? Here's four hundred opinions!"
And then the Large Question is:
How practise we become more aware of how people see u.s. – non to be confused with obsessing (worrying) nigh what people remember – in order to produce ameliorate results in our world? The answer is: consciously, intentionally and un-emotionally (that's the tough fleck). All the information is there, we just need to look for it and interpret it for what it is.
What They're Saying When They're Not Speaking
People are constantly telling u.s.a. what they think and how they feel via their actions, behaviours, choices, reactions and trunk-language. The trouble is we don't pay attention. Nosotros don't read the signs. We don't 'listen' to the not-exact stuff (which is the bulk of communication). People's physiology (facial expressions, eye contact, posture, hand movements, respiration and even perspiration levels) volition normally tell us more than their words.
I've given the instance earlier of the daughter who buys her new car and chooses the special duco colour and wheels considering she believes they will make her car unique. An hr later she leaves the dealership and within ten minutes she sees 5 cars exactly like hers! Why? Are at that place instantly more than cars like hers on the road? Nope. The cars were always there but her sensation (of them) has changed. Suddenly a switch has flicked and she's at present seeing what she didn't before.
So likewise it is with 'reading' people. When nosotros go into familiar situations and environments with a totally different perspective, information technology's amazing what we discover. You want to know what people really remember? Pay attending.
Warning: Don't let your low self-esteem or propensity to find offence get in the way of the value in this message. Knowing how others see you or what they think of you should not come from a place of fear, insecurity or seeking approval but, rather, from a desire to create better connection, understanding and results in your globe.
And remember, I love yous, even with your flaws.
As always, love to hear your thoughts – even you lot long-time-lurking-non-commenting types!
Source: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/you-from-another-perspective.html
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